Hi tweets -- Had to pass this one along, excerpted from the AOL online
CYBIRDERS Sunday night open chat group and their weekly newsletter, *The
Beakly News*. I got a good laugh,...hope you do too. My posts haven't been
posting lately, but I hope at least this one will. Happy Holidays Everyone!

Richard Rowlett <pagodroma at aol.com>
Bellevue, WA

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CACKLES: SOME STORIES TO TICKLE YOUR FEATHERS
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By ApplEve

One of humankind's eternally favorite seasonal flyers makes a
well-publicized migration south in just a few more days. And -
wouldn't you know it? - he just happens to be on-line. So I
thought I'd write him:

Dear Santa (http://www.claus.com): I can't swear to you that we
Cybirders haven't been naughty - because if you've been
lurking online during any of our Sunday night chats, you
already *know* the truth. But even if we HAVE laid a few eggs
every now and then, well, the birds have too. So please find it
in your big red sack to fulfill any items on this wish-list, for birds
as well as those who love them. How about:

1. Feathers that dispense ink after birds have molted; this
would let us immediately record any rare bird sightings in the
field.
2. Glow-in-the-dark plumage for night birds so we can extend
our viewing hours well past dusk.
3. Designer labels on birds. Ideally they would feature a cheerful
upturned beak, and carry wording like, "hello, my name is
pileated woodpecker, have a flappy day."
4. Bird calls with call-waiting. That way you could listen to the
sound of the mockingbird first, then turn your attention to the
mating call of the dove or the robin.
5. Birdfeeders with training wheels so fledglings can perch
without losing their balance - or their lunch.
6. Crash helmets for finches to avoid concussions (and personal
injury lawsuits) during a communal dive-bomb at the
feeder.
7. A Karaoke songbook for hummers, so they can finally
LEARN some words.
8. Contact lenses for hawks, eagles and falcons so they can
maintain their reputations even into their senior years.
9. A lifetime supply of Emetrol, or Dramamine, for Turkey
Vultures.
10. Grammar books for owls so they know when to say "HOO"
and when to say "WHOM"
11. Super-absorbent "Depends" and "Serenity Guards" for
doves, pigeons and any other birds attracted to newly washed
cars - or new cars in general.
12. And for every partridge.....a guaranteed lifetime supply of
Pear Trees.

Safe flying, Santa - and watch out for those Chimney Swifts!
<g> With love, from the ABE Cybirders of America On Line