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Sorry tweets, for the distraction away from the birds, but.... 'tis the
season......
This is a spectacular piece of prose that just dropped in my box tonight and
originates from God knows where... 'out there' of course, from somewhere in
cyberspace. If you're as much an "X-Files" fan as I, and like a good dose of
Mulder and Scully in between birding and CBC outings, you'll get a load of
chuckles out of this one. Okay, carry on. --Richard

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From: Ladyshrike <Ladyshrike at aol.com>
Return-path: <Ladyshrike at aol.com>
To: PAGODROMA at aol.com, Agomez17 at aol.com
Subject: Fwd: X-Files... Ho ho ho 8-)
Date: Sun, 21 Dec 1997 20:34:07 EST
Organization: AOL (http://www.aol.com)
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<<
57 Elm Street
Bethlehem, PA
11:51 p.m., December 24th


"We're too late! It's already been here."

"Mulder, I hope you know what you're doing."

"Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, truncated,
mounted, transformed into a shrine; halls decked with boughs of holly;
stockings hung by the chimney, with care."

"You really think someone's been here?"

"Someone, or something."

"Mulder, over here--it's a fruitcake."

"Don't touch it! Those things can be lethal."

"It's O.K. There's a note attached: 'Gonna find out who's naughty and
nice.'"

"It's judging them, Scully. It's making a list."

"Who? What are you talking about?"

"Ancient mythology tells of an obese humanoid entity who could travel at
great speed in a craft powered by antlered servants. Once a year, near
the winter solstice, this creature is said to descend from the heavens
to reward its followers and punish disbelievers with jagged chunks of
anthracite."

"But that's legend, Mulder--a story told by parents to frighten
children. Surely you don't believe it?"

"Something was here tonight, Scully. Check out the bite marks on this
gingerbread man. Whatever tore through this plate of cookies was
massive--and in a hurry."

"It left crumbs everywhere. And look, Mulder, this milk glass has been
completely drained."

"It gorged itself, Scully. It fed without remorse."

"But why would they leave it milk and cookies?"

"Appeasement. Tonight is the Eve, and nothing can stop its wilding."

"But if this thing does exist, how did it get in? The doors and windows
were locked. There's no sign of forced entry."

"Unless I miss my guess, it came through the fireplace."

"Wait a minute, Mulder. If you're saying some huge creature landed on
the roof and came down this chimney, you're crazy. The flue is barely
six inches wide. Nothing could get down there."

"But what if it could alter its shape, move in all directions at once?"

"You mean, like a bowl full of jelly?"

"Exactly. Scully, I've never told anyone this, but when I was a child my
home was visited. I saw the creature. It had long white shanks of fur
surrounding its ruddy, misshapen head. Its bloated torso was red and
white. I'll never forget the horror. I turned away, and when I looked
back it had somehow taken on the facial features of my father."

"Impossible."

"I know what I saw. And that night it read my mind. It brought me a Mr.
Potato Head, Scully. It knew that I wanted a Mr. Potato Head!"

"I'm sorry, Mulder, but you're asking me to disregard the laws of
physics. You want me to believe in some supernatural being who soars
across the skies and brings gifts to good little girls and boys. Listen
to what you're saying. Do you understand the repercussions? If this gets
out, they'll close the X-files."

"Scully, listen to me: It knows when you're sleeping. It knows when
you're awake."

"But we have no proof."

"Last year, on this exact date, SETI radio telescopes detected bogeys in
the airspace over twenty-seven states. The White House ordered a
Condition Red."

"But that was a meteor shower."

"Officially. Two days ago, eight prized Scandinavian reindeer vanished
from the National Zoo, in Washington, D.C. Nobody--not even the
zookeeper--was told about it. The government doesn't want people to know
about Project Kringle. They fear that if this thing is proved to exist
the public will stop spending half its annual income in a holiday
shopping frenzy. Retail markets will collapse. Scully, they cannot let
the world believe this creature lives. There's too much at
stake. They'll do whatever it takes to insure another silent night."

"Mulder, I--"

"Sh-h-h. Do you hear what I hear?"

"On the roof. It sounds like ... a clatter."

"The truth is up there. Let's see what's the matter."
>>


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