Subject: (JOKE) New Element Discovered!
Date: Feb 1 18:11:59 1998
From: Michael Price - mprice at mindlink.bc.ca


Hi Tweets,

Too good not to pass on; from the 'City Limits' column in Saturday's
Vancouver Sun.

M


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New Element Discovered!

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
physicists at the Yale Research center. The element, tentatively named
'Administratium', has no protons nor electrons, thus has an atomic number of
0; however, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, and 11
assistant vice-neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312
particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the
continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert; however, it can be
detected chemically as it impedes every reaction with which it comes in
contact. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium
caused a reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally
occur in less than one second.

Administratium has a normal life of approximately three years, at which
time it does not actually decay but instead undergoes a reorganisation in
which assistant neutrons, vice-neutrons and assistant vice-neutrons exchange
places. Some studies have shown that the atomic weight usually increases
after each reorganisation.

Research at other laboratories indicate that administratium occurs
naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such
as government agencies, large corporations and universities, and can
actually be found in the newest, best-maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that administratium is known to be toxic at any
level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reactions where
it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how
administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results
are not promising.

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