Tweeters and Inlanders:
(some new some old)

A duck walks into a drug store and buys a chapstick. The clerk
says, Will that be cash or charge? The duck says, Just put it on
my bill!

Two vultures were in the desert eating a dead clown. The first
vulture asks the second vulture, Does this taste funny to you?

Question: Why do Hummingbirds hum? Answer: Because they
don t know the words.

What do you get when you cross a bird with a comedian? JAY
LENO!

Question: Why did the chicken cross the road? Answer: To
prove to the Opossum that it could be done.

Question: What does a 1,000 pound canary say? Answer: Here
kitty, kitty, kitty!

What do you get when you run over a bird with your lawnmower?
Shredded Tweet!

How do you get down off an elephant? You don t. You get down
off a duck.

Why did the Road Runner cross the road? Because the coyote
was chasing it.

Do you know the difference between unlawful and illegal?
Unlawful means something is against the law and illegal is a sick
bird.

Why do birds fly south? Because it is too far to walk!

Question: How do you keep a turkey in suspense? Answer: I ll
tell you tomorrow.

A carpet installer was just finishing a big job and decided to stop
for a smoke. He searched his pockets and not finding his usual
pack of cigarettes, he began to look around. A lump under the
carpet caught his attention. Not wanting to remove and reinstall a
large carpet, he took a mallet and carefully pounded down the
lump, smoothing it out with his hands until it was perfectly flat.
Satisfied that the job was well done, he gathered up his tools only
to find his cigarettes in the lid of his tool box. He was examining
them quizzically when the woman of the house walks in and says,
The carpets look great. By the way, have you seen my canary?

Hans & Kathryn Krauss, Spokane, WA two.wing-nuts at juno.com
IT'S BETTER TO BE "WNGNUTS" (vanity plate) THAN DEAD-BOLTS