Subject: Fw: Gifts for Men - and a lot of quiet dullness .....
Date: Jan 10 17:09:50 2000
From: Toni Hawryluk - tonihawr at email.msn.com


>>Rules for buying gifts for men
>>
>> Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter
>>if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to
>> complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one
>>knows why.
>>
>> Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with
>> the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey
>>George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. Bye-the-way, are you through
>>with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.
>>
>> Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car.
>>A 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang
>>from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows
>>why.
>>
>> Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men
>> bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he
>> wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.
>>
>> Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they
>> have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big screen TV
>>with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips,
>>and flips, and flips.
>>
>> Rule #6: Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it
>> will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer.
>>
>> Rule #7: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave
>>or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.
>>
>> Rule #8: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills.
>>Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere.
>>"Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No
>>one knows why.
>>
>> Rule #9: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on
>>the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left
>>over.
>>
>> Rule #10: Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works,
>>Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab
>>Tire.
>> (NAPA AutoParts and Sears' Clearance Centers are also excellent men's
>> stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA
>> Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68
>>Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.")
>>
>> Rule #11: Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will
>> barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank.
>>Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a
>> hamburger?"
>>
>> Rule #12: Tickets to a Seahawks game are a smart gift. However, he will
>>not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts."
>>Everyone knows why.
>>
>> Rule #13: Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a
>> chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what
>> happens when he gets a label maker.
>>
>> Rule #14: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum
>> extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an
>> extension ladder. No one knows why.
>>
>> Rule #15: Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins,
>> or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of
>>3/8" manilla rope. No one knows why.


I generally hear some"body" when I'm outside the house if I don't see
them - today has been relatively warm and wet in my neighborhood but
I haven't seen or heard any"body" anywhere except the crows, as usual,
and the pigeons and an occasional gull too far away to ID. Would a
Big Brother new to this area have this effect on my "pets" ? (hawk ? owl
?)

Toni Hawryluk
West Seattle
tonihawr at email.msn.com